Sometimes it’s as if I wake up to an entirely new slate. As if everything learned, as if everything done, people known, places being, etc, etc–as if all of it never happened, and here I am, a sentient being, attempting to configure it all out again, and, more importantly, why…
Of course, all the knowledge is there when called upon, and the memories, and those people you can call up immediately, and reconnect, and it feels as if it’s always been like that, yet again. However, one of the stickier attributes about existence is its reformation–i.e: change. Our brain and our senses slow it down to imperceptible, but manageable speeds, but yet, at times, it’s as if it all catches up to our senses in a single awareness–all the slowly changing processes become perceivable all at once, and this change hits you like a clean slate, or, better yet, as if the rug you were accustomed to standing on was pulled out from underneath you, and now you are not quite floating but not quite falling, but utterly consumed in the revelation that EVERYTHING IS CHANGING.
Maybe it is my artistic or adventurous side, but these moments or revelations, to me, are enthralling. They capture you into an existential crisis. It’s here one realizes that one must not find ground to stand on, but reclaim it. Foundations become questioned. Values become juggled. Meanings suddenly seem hollow and unconvincing. One may realize they were persuading themselves the whole time. We may find that without it… what then?
Then something happens. Maybe something as cliche as a sunset bouncing off the icy trees, or maybe the sound of a child’s laugh, or maybe, if one can brace this ‘unbearable lightness of being’ long enough,something from within will reach out. As a condition of a human existence, everyone will find something within, so long as they look.
Everyday you could wake up to a new white blank canvas, and if honest and quiet enough, everyday you would have something new to paint.
Life is the art of constant change.
Meaning is meaningless without self persuasion.
